And so I find myself debating on whether to put this online. Although this time not out of laziness. Years ago when I was starting out writing in earnest I realised their would be times that I found myself writing things that wouldn’t always be popular with my friends – all of them at any rate. But I promised myself if it beneffited others and the content was worthwhile I would not back down. And so thats what I am doing here. I suppose in that sense its a question of loyalty to myself. Its been a while since I have last posted. Too long in ways and yet this will be quite a personal post.
I find myself in an awkward position. Awkward and quite painful. I am, in ways socially awkward, not so much anymore but lacking in so much of the experience of friendship that comes from university and earlier childhood. Thats not stopped me and I have pushed past it more recently. But every so often, it catches I think is the best way of putting it. I stub my character on the step of life. In this case an individual that for the person’s own reasons can’t stand me and has made it clear. In quite obnoxious and demeaning manner to a friend.
Now my friend was affronted by this attack on their slimeball but afterwards it quietened down and my friend calmed and following apologies to each other the situation was put aside. Now let me clarify that – after apologies between each other. No ideas of retractions or apologies to me, which is ok in a sense. I have grown up to the point that I realise that not everyone likes you. But my point is surely the idea that it should have been outrage my friend felt on my behalf, they should have rushed to my defense. Not as seems to have happened, rushed forward in the offense to defend themselves. The slurs came from an old best friend of my friend, and so it was felt like a personal attack (perspective I feel is missed – yes its personal but to whom exactly.) Once they had circled each other and seen that they were not attacking each other and their apologies over hurt feelings were made all was put behind.
How should I feel on this? Surely a good friend will back you up, defend you – particularly when what’s said is stupid and offensive. I know its too much, and I don’t expect, all my friends to be best friends or even for them all to get along. But shouldn’t I expect them at least to stand up for me rather than tolerate abuse?
Now at present the situation rears its head – I’m to be there at a function from my friend, one for their friend. Now where do I stand there. It simply confuses me. And hurts to be honest. Melodrama, melodrama. But I suppose the worse thing is my friend thinks that they backed me up by attacking first time round. So its leaves me stuck unable to express how I feel. I don’t want them to cut off their friend for me, I don’t want that, I don’t want their unhappiness. Its just a stupid situation…
